WINTER ADVENTURE IN A SPACE LONG AGO- A LETTER TO MY GRANDCHILDREN

Hey Grandkids..this one is for you!  

Four of the six of you visited last night for dinner and a few lively hours.  When I awoke this morning, my heart was still smiling and full of hope!  

The subject of skiing was in the forefront of the discussion, as you are all in different phases of learning the sport.  While I remain a total chicken around downhill courses, I am so thrilled that you are sharing in an activity that your parents have enjoyed for some time.  The lessons and the helmets, along with proper equipment and good mentors assure me that you are as safe as it is ever possible to be.  Since you have all outgrown my wrap around arms, I suppose the safety measures out in society, and the love of your parents will have to suffice.   Enjoy!  

I remember my own skiing experience many years ago.  Memere and Pepere, my folks and your great grandparents , decided it was time to expand our experience of  the outdoors and get some good exercise.  Neither of them were skiers, but being ever resourceful they outfitted us as best they could at a nearby Ski House with used equipment to get us started.  I  was in my late teens at the time, and not at all as brave or agile as my three brothers!  In  fact, I was the pensive shaking soul who stood at the top of the "bunny slope" waiting for the other skiers to clear so that I would have the course to myself, hence not having to steer much!  I recall an unofficial lesson or two, perhaps from my Dad, in  how to come to a stop with my legs and feet pointed inward- a position I find much more comfortable now than I did back then...but only on my yoga mat!

While a freshman at RI College, I joined the Ski Club, because it sounded like a good idea.  Again, I was alone quite often at the top of the smallest run at Diamond Hill Ski Area, an enterprise which no longer exists as such.  I believe the current vineyards that grow there are a friendlier place to stretch my legs than the ski area proved to be!  You will no doubt find your own preferences and passions change over the decades too.  

At any rate, I continued my participation with the Ski Club because I liked being outdoors in the winter and away from school once a week.  
The season and my downhill skiing experience did not end well for me though.   Because I was quite tense while descending the icy hill on a frosty March day I fell.  The old fashioned bindings of my skis did not release, and I broke my leg in two places.  You might think this was a disaster, but the memories of my parents care at the time, and the new me that grew from this crisis is something I will always be grateful for. 

 Now do not let your parents stop reading in order to keep you from worry!

Yes...it hurt and it was scary to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance.  But at the other end was my Dad, your Pepere,  telling the doctors how I was to be cared for at every step.  My Dad was always a very discerning customer, and able to make himself clear in the politest if sometimes too persistent ways.  He requested a certain orthopedic doctor and I was treated very well.  My mom showed up every day with magazines and to keep me company.  I could not shower, so she brought me a dry shampoo product to use as well as a mirror to check out my 18 year old reflection.   RI  Hospital was there to help me, and both my folks assured that my care was the best.   I left with a leg cast that stretched from my foot to nearly my hip!  Over time that was cut down to a shorter cast, but the adventure in plaster lasted for six months!  My legs are rather good looking today, so it ended well!

I commuted from home in Bristol for a few weeks, and it was my mom  who helped me move back into the dorm after that.  She arranged with the campus security folks for me to be driven from building to building in a cute little golf cart in order to attend classes, until I conquered the rhythm of my crutches!  

This is a long ago memory for me, but one that I wanted to share, because who I am today has a lot to do with that time and space in my life.  Hugo and Andre will receive this story, because you  are also active children, currently learning to swim and play soccer....which makes me so proud and happy for you. Your mommy and daddy are making good choices to keep you healthy and having fun!

So here's what your Baba learned because long ago she skied, got hurt, got better and kept on growing!

1. I learned that you should "go for it" and try new things, even if they are initially your parents idea and maybe not your own.
2. I learned that the love of parents and their experience in making good decisions is a gift that one can be grateful for throughout your life.
3. I learned how to be a smart shopper and look for quality and expertise whether in a doctor or the stuff I buy.
4. I learned that even broken parts can be fixed over time, though it is a good idea to learn to do something well and stay fit as much as possible!
5. I learned that even years later when my body complains of an "old injury" there are practices that can help me feel better.
6. I learned how to cross country ski and snowshoe, because I felt more confident and could still enjoy the great outdoors in many places and  here in RI.

I learned to be a life long learner when it comes to being as healthy and as fit as I care to be.  That way, I feel better AND keep up with your Pops in the great outdoors!

You are living in a time and space where you too are so lucky to be learners.  My wish is that you will always be grateful for the love that has brought you to this life and to the very special people you call parents. 

Oh yes...I am learning still,  that after a time even our children and grandchildren can teach us something!  What a world! 
                                                        Love, Baba

I

Finding the Heart-space to become an Ally!

Alliance...a new life space "The invitation to the ally is always to follow the leadership of those who are at the center of the pain. The story matters. And choosing to work toward liberation of any kind requires a commitment to support the narrative of the ones who own the story.  The role of the ally is not to lead or to fix. The ally holds the story and amplifies the voice of the storyteller."   -Traci Blackmon I have become a reluctant ally!  I should say, alliance happened to me before I was ready!  On July 1st of 2017, an unexpected family from Syria arrived into my life, and I have learned so much about myself and the space I occupy in this world! I was ill prepared to accept my role as ally.  I never really contemplated this at all!  After all...I am a "fixer".  I "get the job done" and move on.  Just call me if you need me and think I can help.   Ally is a different role, as defined in the above quotation.  It implies "presence" when needed.  Staying power most likely. This has me curious, if somewhat reticent.  There is an open book possibility in this relationship, and no counting on a past practice, expertise or guidance.   I avoid most written directions at all costs...too time consuming!  Perhaps my improvisational bent has indeed prepared me for this new unknown? The sweet and very young refugee Mom teaches me volumes every time we meet.  With her exuberant greeting and kisses on both cheeks, I am swept into her joie de vivre, like one overtaken by a warm gust of wind off the bay.  Immediately her plight and three year separation from extended family become the lesser issue.  It is our friendship that matters.  Mere exchanges of greetings, expressions of worry or requests for help are difficult to negotiate with the distance between the Arabic language and English.  Still, we navigate the distance with hand signs, exaggerated facial gestures and when desperate, the I Phone google translate ap, in order to make ourselves understood to each other.  This matters to us as women and neighbors. It is our unspoken alliance and an understanding, that I will answer my door and greet, help, commiserate as needed. When her three little ones descend like a tornado, I am at once thrilled and wary.  No doubt they would move into my small cozy space in a heartbeat, and stay to wile the day away if I let them.  These are not the grandchildren that fill my heart in a very different way- whose daily lives I ponder, whose growth and sensibilities map my own growth as "Baba".  My private but social self swoops somebody else's babies up in arms and smiles because those distant relatives cannot. Then, I admit, I set the parameters for the visit-  perhaps a stroll through a child's book, a serenade accompanied by the toy guitar the five year old finds in its trusty hiding place, or a quickly devised snack to send them on their way.  The duration of our surprise visit depends on the time of day and where I am in my retired therefore insanely hectic lifestyle plans for the day! Our conversations are always lively, interspersed with directives about how to handle whatever knick knacks or "stuff" may be scattered about the unprepared apartment.  I find myself stocking little kitchen spaces with interesting children's books or accessories that I can handily present to the kids.  It's such fun to hear their peels of delight! Recently, our school age sweetie showed me the broken zipper on her school back pack.  The trendy but cheaply made Princess bag could not be repaired, and my heart broke to tell her so. As I duct taped it to make the trip to school, I promised myself it would be replaced.  To my chagrin, the closest I could find to "girlie" was a leopard pattern one.  Do you think that was a problem for this little one?  No...it was from Auntie Denise, and she still wears it with pride one week later!  I guess allies take what they can get from each other, not directing the exact terms, but grateful for the care supplied. I find myself ever more relaxed with the tiny invasions of these three.  I find my spirits lifted when I didn't know they were down!  I am discovering the joy of alliance, without knowing the way ahead. The distance away from and back to Mama is a mere 14 steps out my  door!  There is a childish freedom that my little friends enjoy..and I am grateful for this on their behalf.  Though steps away most of the time, the joy these children deliver to me with each visit is as delightful as a long anticipated and very special delivery.  Indeed, they are an exotic treat I never ordered!  I guess alliance can be that way...if we but "support the narrative of the ones who own the story".