Finding the Heart-space to become an Ally!

Alliance...a new life space "The invitation to the ally is always to follow the leadership of those who are at the center of the pain. The story matters. And choosing to work toward liberation of any kind requires a commitment to support the narrative of the ones who own the story.  The role of the ally is not to lead or to fix. The ally holds the story and amplifies the voice of the storyteller."   -Traci Blackmon I have become a reluctant ally!  I should say, alliance happened to me before I was ready!  On July 1st of 2017, an unexpected family from Syria arrived into my life, and I have learned so much about myself and the space I occupy in this world! I was ill prepared to accept my role as ally.  I never really contemplated this at all!  After all...I am a "fixer".  I "get the job done" and move on.  Just call me if you need me and think I can help.   Ally is a different role, as defined in the above quotation.  It implies "presence" when needed.  Staying power most likely. This has me curious, if somewhat reticent.  There is an open book possibility in this relationship, and no counting on a past practice, expertise or guidance.   I avoid most written directions at all costs...too time consuming!  Perhaps my improvisational bent has indeed prepared me for this new unknown? The sweet and very young refugee Mom teaches me volumes every time we meet.  With her exuberant greeting and kisses on both cheeks, I am swept into her joie de vivre, like one overtaken by a warm gust of wind off the bay.  Immediately her plight and three year separation from extended family become the lesser issue.  It is our friendship that matters.  Mere exchanges of greetings, expressions of worry or requests for help are difficult to negotiate with the distance between the Arabic language and English.  Still, we navigate the distance with hand signs, exaggerated facial gestures and when desperate, the I Phone google translate ap, in order to make ourselves understood to each other.  This matters to us as women and neighbors. It is our unspoken alliance and an understanding, that I will answer my door and greet, help, commiserate as needed. When her three little ones descend like a tornado, I am at once thrilled and wary.  No doubt they would move into my small cozy space in a heartbeat, and stay to wile the day away if I let them.  These are not the grandchildren that fill my heart in a very different way- whose daily lives I ponder, whose growth and sensibilities map my own growth as "Baba".  My private but social self swoops somebody else's babies up in arms and smiles because those distant relatives cannot. Then, I admit, I set the parameters for the visit-  perhaps a stroll through a child's book, a serenade accompanied by the toy guitar the five year old finds in its trusty hiding place, or a quickly devised snack to send them on their way.  The duration of our surprise visit depends on the time of day and where I am in my retired therefore insanely hectic lifestyle plans for the day! Our conversations are always lively, interspersed with directives about how to handle whatever knick knacks or "stuff" may be scattered about the unprepared apartment.  I find myself stocking little kitchen spaces with interesting children's books or accessories that I can handily present to the kids.  It's such fun to hear their peels of delight! Recently, our school age sweetie showed me the broken zipper on her school back pack.  The trendy but cheaply made Princess bag could not be repaired, and my heart broke to tell her so. As I duct taped it to make the trip to school, I promised myself it would be replaced.  To my chagrin, the closest I could find to "girlie" was a leopard pattern one.  Do you think that was a problem for this little one?  No...it was from Auntie Denise, and she still wears it with pride one week later!  I guess allies take what they can get from each other, not directing the exact terms, but grateful for the care supplied. I find myself ever more relaxed with the tiny invasions of these three.  I find my spirits lifted when I didn't know they were down!  I am discovering the joy of alliance, without knowing the way ahead. The distance away from and back to Mama is a mere 14 steps out my  door!  There is a childish freedom that my little friends enjoy..and I am grateful for this on their behalf.  Though steps away most of the time, the joy these children deliver to me with each visit is as delightful as a long anticipated and very special delivery.  Indeed, they are an exotic treat I never ordered!  I guess alliance can be that way...if we but "support the narrative of the ones who own the story".