THANKSGIVING...GIVING THANKS

I awoke to silence and savored it for a few lazy turns in my bed.  I arose to the sounds of Gounod's Ave Maria, brought to my sleepy ears by Bob's speaker and some algorithms that merged to create a  welcome morning playlist....mechanical yet so humane as to touch my soul nonetheless.  

Yo Yo Ma persists as the lists plays out. My first thoughts are of my 100 year old Memere's funeral, where I sang this very selection from the choir loft of Holy Family Church in Woonsocket, RI.  The ensuing revery leads me to the page where I must record the emotion, or perhaps the impact...YES, the impact of this music in this time, in this space of life.  

It is a Saturday so like and so unlike any other in my 67 years.  For nearly 44 years of marriage, this Saturday has signaled the start of a holiday week, and a day to rise, shine and shop.  Thanksgiving looms later in the week, this year on the 26th of November.  For so many years a list (or two or three ) occupied the counter of my various homes, most recently the one in our cozy apartment nestled in Bristols quiet southern stretches.  The LIST overflowed with potential purchases savory and sweet to be procured, packaged, prepped and served to crowds of varying sizes each and every year. The Thanksgiving grocery challenge proposed an exhausting and anxiety producing shopping excursion, often in more than one store and over the course of more than one visit.  Yet those trips, hazardous to my mental health and sanity as they often were, became the stuff of memory..todays memory.  

The playlist finds its own way down a course of selections, the current one a quiet piano interlude, detached and delicate...no challenge to my ears, just as there is no challenge to my mental peace of mind today.  There is no need to worry or hurry, to refine a list and cut coupons, to arrive early and return late.  There is no need to clear a large space in a small refrigerator for the bird which occupies so much of our traditional feast. There is no large shopping expedition to be experienced.  No one will cross rivers to us or encounter woods to travail...for THIS Thanksgiving Day will come and go as most different in my life...a quiet and solitary meal, with Bob and I the lone diners at our expandable and welcoming table.  Covid -19 has determined the numbers.  Daily regulations issued by the CDC and our Governor result in a non existent guest list. We submit to save lives, our own and those of our loved ones.  The raging virus claims people daily and stretches human resources to frightening degrees.  To eat alone will be our nod of submission, one that that does not even approach the level of sacrifice so many are living.

 Loss of loved ones, permanent physical and spiritual damage all due to this pandemic, human nature which drives us closer not farther from each other in troubled times...these are the components  a menu of human suffering, with a long journeys night still ahead.  Cause for gratitude, there in the smallest of the fine print but there none the less.  "We will see this through"...light at the end of the tunnel...vaccine on the horizon...pensive, persistent sounds ring from the piano now...cause for reflection, hope even.  

In spite of the pain that lone dinners may bring, worry that our minds may conjure, sorrow that our souls may feel, loss that our spirits may entertain...life does indeed go on... grandchildren still in the womb or simply hoped for- all innocent of the strife-will come and stir the hope that is missing, soothe the sadness that prevails.  

Thanks Giving for what is today, what comes up on Thursday, for the family in our lives that waits to travel, the holidays and the living past and yet to unfold, the blessings of peace if only in our hearts or our local community, the food still abundant and lovingly prepared, the multitude of human endeavors that continue to bring life and hope to those closest to us and to those whose names we do not know.  Somewhere amongst the garbled history and the shiny trappings of our existence burns a quiet flame of selflessness, and it is this that draws us to one another.  It is  this that makes stressful lives and hearts pause, assess and act to bring about good.  

Thanks Giving...what will the mechanical playlist conjure this year?  Will I pause long enough to let it fill my aching soul with the hope that comes from awareness?  Will I let the notes touch my heart and bring up gratitude?  If so, the day will be marked as traditional in the one way that cannot be taken from me.  I will count my blessings and Giving Thanks will be enough.