What to do...when I can't...   May 25, 2022

    Where do I begin to make sense of the world presented to me this morning?  It's been so long since I sat to write, life taking up space, maintenance of an aging body taking up time.  So often I have awoken to a new challenge or difficult tasks required of me, a hectic schedule with not enough time for the ordinary requirements of a day.  This day, I have nothing but time...and the seemingly insurmountable task of rising above my sadness.  

    Bob and I exited the theatre last night, shaken, annoyed, angry perhaps, confused and with no answers or solutions.  Yes Ms Playright...I believe you made your point, pierced some hearts and left all in the audience uncomfortable and questioning.  You are indeed brilliant!  I have no answers, but I do know I must live the questions with whatever time and space I am presented.  

    Fast forward to our departure from Providence.  It was a Tuesday night and traffic westbound on our interstate was at a dead stop.  Is it really a good thing to know why... and so immediately?  Google supplied me with a link to the news that a high speed chase had resulted in a three car crash at 9:45 pm, shutting down the highway and more importantly, tearing limbs, lives and hearts asunder. 

But the banner at the top of my screen showed the unbearable...making this traffic a trivial affair...  18 more children slaughtered in the safest space many of them may have known, their school.  

    I am sad, my heart heavy, limbs frozen weary perhaps...but safe and able. This drape of emotion is like a skin of dread I must acknowledge.  Reach out to friends for quiet coffee, release my spouse from the responsibility of making it better.  Take hope in the sunlight beyond my kitchen window, the new blossom on the Peace Lily in our living room, the knowledge there is much to do, the wisdom that whispers "you can't do it all, but you can do something".  

    I am sad.  Let the tears flow... and with tissues in pocket move out into the hurting world beyond.  Tiny gestures, small tasks, quiet kindnesses won't fix the bleeding and the denial all around us.  Maybe only my own soul will be restored...I'll have to work with that.